I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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