Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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