READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
