I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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