You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Randomize
