I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
