The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
