SEEEEXXX PLEASE
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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