I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
