The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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