he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
