Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
