you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
