with your own penis?
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
