I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize