i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
