I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
