Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
