She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
