Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize