Whod you bang
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
