What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
