so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
