to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
