So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize