Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I look better un-naked...
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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