someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I need to align my fucking chakras
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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