non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
