All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
