mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
