Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
