get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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