So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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