His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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