Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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