next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
