Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I can't put those talents on a resume
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Randomize
