i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Randomize
