Swine flu is the new snow day.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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