My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
