could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
