you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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