what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
false alarm, still single
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