Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
