filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Life is so much better after having sex.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize