In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
