wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize