careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
