So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
