i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
