His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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