o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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