You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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