Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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