Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
