I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
