Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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