Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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