Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize