We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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