STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
