Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
