apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
