capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
