I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
