in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
