I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
