Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize