You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
