I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
