i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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