It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
