He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
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