he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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