I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
