was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
