I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
