I skipped work to stalk him.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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