if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
