i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
