if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
