why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
