I'm going to rape someone's good day.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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