I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize