I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
