how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
he told me I talked like a deaf person
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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