i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
