Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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