My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
We have started to decorate penises.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
