For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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