Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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