I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
