I wanna passion pit in your ass
if only i could text you this smell
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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