i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
