My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
