the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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