Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
