I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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