Barsexuality is the new black.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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